Dark night…or hour…
Whew.
What a day.
After reading about suffering, etc. from Mother Teresa’s new book, and Mother Angelica’s Little Book, I thought, hey, I’m ready for some more stuff. It’s been light lately, let’s bring it on!
Well, we sure did bring it on. Today was a really, really dark day. And I can’t say I was really all that pious about it.
I was discharged from the hospital (again) on Tuesday afternoon, after Msgr. Funk came to visit around lunch time (he is a great hospital visitor, by the way). Came home, slept, had the home care people come to the house (M&D) to talk about the IV drugs. We did the midnight dose (actually closer to 1), and I went to bed.
Today I was totally in a black mood. Pain/period had something to do with it, but I absolutely could not see any real point in life/living/ my existence in general. I was totally ready to pass on these crosses. So much for “bring it on,” huh? Oh man. I was wallowing in extreme aridity–very much Psalm 22 (”my God, my God, why have you abandoned me?”).
Part of this is due to some issues w/ my doctor’s office, which are best described over at the Bucket. But when I get lung infections, I get pain that goes with it (this is from plueral effusion, apparently, according to Todd, if you’re interested). And while I have a high pain threshold, it’s not that high. That’s why we went to the ER on Saturday night. Well I was having a lot of pain today that wasn’t being handled all that well (the drugs I have make me nauseous, so pick your demon) and I guess that was a real impetus for all sorts of Screwtape-like devils to come in and do their work.
I’m feeling a bit better now, having been reminded by my excellent parents that Screwtape is ever-among us and uses down times like these to undermine our faith, trust and general feelings of love towards God. I’m trying not to let him get to me. But man, it sure is easy to just give in when your body is racked with pain and you’re thinking of lots of ways–several of them probably not Church-sanctioned–to make it go away.
Prayers are helpful. Thanks. 
Prayer update, too: my little transplant buddies continue to get better. Thank God for that.
