What we need
Isn’t it amazing, how God always knows what we need to hear, and when we need to hear it?
My contentedness with a single state goes back and forth, like tides. Some days I am quite happy to be alone in my apartment, running my life to my satisfaction (well, so I think :)), deciding what I will and will not do, what social engagements I will take, and the like. I am free to do what I please without asking another person (for the most part). But there are also moments, which have surfaced this week, where I have acutely wanted another person here, to share my thoughts, my life, my activities.
Today my devotional reading was from 2 Timothy, verse 16: “At my first defense no one came to my support, but all deserted me. May it not be counted against them!” The overall passage was sort of esoteric, so I was interested to see what take the meditation would follow. This is what I got:
We must not conclude that the spiritual life rescues single persons from the pain of loneliness. It does not. any times I’ve been acutely aware of my singleness and really felt lonely: preparing a meal for one, asking for a single table in a restaurant, feeling out of it in the midst of a laughing crowd. Sometimes I wake up at night and wonder what will happen to me when I grow old and sick and no spouse or children, no fellow community members are there to take care of me.
This awareness of my aloneness could cause me to become anxious and depressed. I try to remember the positive, spiritual meaning and the psychological contentment that comes with being single: blessing my quiet apartment at the end of a busy day, staying in or going out as a I please, calling a friend or silencing the ring on my phone so I can spend the evening reading and praying. Loneliness slowly changes into solitude also when I recommit myself to the Lord and enjoy his companionship.
In solitude I bring my whole being–physical, emotional, spiritual–before God and ask him for the grace I need to live my single calling joyfully. I do not want to fall into sef-pity or madly seek some meaningful encounter. God knows I need his help to live a harmonious inner and outer life, avoiding the either/or extremes that often tempt singoles: either too much withdrawal or too much involvement.
Personally, as a Christian, I try to center my singleness in the heart of Jesus, the Single Word spoken by the Father. In the Word made Flesh, I am at home with my single calling and united spiritually with all other people, contemplatively present to his will and actively serving the members of his kingdom.
